gijasue's blog

Here I am, after almost seven month, breaking the silence. Not that I meant to be silent, but it was just hard to write with everything else going on in my life.

Many things have happened in those months, one of them was that my writing contract expired mid-Dec. Since then, the powers that be have no chosen to renew it or hire anyone else. I don’t know why they’ve done this — they have yet to even contact me whatsoever. But, the upshot of this is that I’ve got much more time on my hands.

So, I’m trying to get organized (it only took me a month and a half of being out of work) and do some of the things I should have or meant to be doing before. One of them is writing in my blog. Some of the others are keeping a regular exercise schedule, sticking to a better diet, keeping up with the housework and going to a Bible study.

For those of you not in my family, here are some of the things that have been going on in my life in the last seven months.

– My daughter started Kindergarten, unfortunately we also found out that she may have ADHD. We’re now going to a Dr. who specializes in this and working out what we can do to help her.

– A. turned 5.

– We took our first family trip to Berlin in Oct. J. had been there up until about 6 months before the wall fell so this was a quite different Berlin than the one that he had known.
– We also went home for two weeks over the holidays to catch up with our families and spend lots of money on books and buying clothes for A. It was also very good for A. to meet many of her cousins and reconnect with the family that she already remembers. Now she wants to go back to the States and live near Grammy and Pop Pops.

– We also had a Valentine’s Tea Party for A. the Sunday before Valentine’s day. She loves them and it’s a great way for her to connect to her friends that she doesn’t see outside of school or church.

Many other little things happened but things are moving along. J. still does a lot of business trips — the most recent ones have been to Armenia and Albainia — not exactly the best tourist destinations but he got me some nice gifts.

On everyday stuff, this year had been a no snow year in Garmisch and it is beautiful but still very odd. But I’m not complaining because it’s allowed me to run more than any other winter here.
I’m hoping to keep everyone updated from now on — at least until I start working again — then we’ll see.

Money and time are the heaviest burdens of life…and the unhappiest of all mortals are those who have more of either then they know how to use. — Samuel Johnson

This was today’s daily thought and it kind of hit home.

Money and time. That’s one of the things that is so frustrating about my job right now.

I get paid by the hour and I’m contracted to work 25/hrs a week. At first, I thought this was enough time to do other activities as well as spend some time with A. But, when the opportunity arose to work more hours, I took it. Although, after each week was up, I lamented the time I didn’t have to do other things, I was greedily adding up my hours and spending my pay in my head.

And I planned on what we would do with this extra money each month — pay off the bills, put some in savings, take more and nicer vacations. Until I was told that I had to cut my hours and they took away one of my projects.

At first, I was outraged. I’m good at my job, and I do it better than what was done before. How could they think of doing without me?

But after thinking about it for a while, and talking with J., I realized that the extra time I would have and the absence of stress would be worth the hours and money I would lose.

Now I’ll have time to take A. to the library again or on outings to the pool or movies (they just started showing English language movies in town). And I’ll finally get back into working out, after skipping so many workouts in the last few weeks.

Yes, money and time can be a problem. There’s never enough of either. But, I think that finding out what you can live with and be happy with is the most important thing in life.

Today, Joe sent me this article about finding a job that you love. It gave me a lot to think about.

You see, recently I read this blog, and in it she talks about feeling (or not feeling, as was the case) “grown up,” having a “proper” job and “adult” concerns. At the time I read it, I felt I could understand her concerns, since I’ve felt that way before. Sometimes, when I look back at my life, it seems as if I’ve been swept along, going with whatever job seem to come by at the time. Although, when I remember those times clearly, the jobs seemed to be the right thing at the right time and were not taken lightly by me at the time.

But I still wonder, at times, if I shouldn’t be considered an adult, because I’m not sure if I’ve met some kind of nebulous requirement needed to be one. I’m not all knowing, as I, as a child, thought I would be, or some kind of hard working person who makes a huge difference to society. I still feel like … me.

So that brings me back to the first article about doing a job that you love. In this “essay” the author talks about not always knowing what you love to do, even after you’ve gone through your college, university or graduate school. And, I have to admit, I was one of those people. I had an idea of what I liked to do, and I knew what I wanted to do this second, as the author puts it. But those things really didn’t translate into a job right away.

It wasn’t until I heard about the photojournalist job in the Army that I had an idea that my like and my this second could be combined into a job that I definitely liked better than what I was doing at the time.

And so I went a step farther into finding out how to do the job that I loved.

But, there were things that I didn’t love, as many jobs have, and there came a point where the one outweighed the other and I quit. And moved on.

After a few more jobs that were nice, but not quite right, I moved into a position that I both loved and hated (sometimes at the same time). That was the Mom position.

Anyone of you that is a mother (or even a parent) can relate to that. So, while I did this job, life went on. But it was harder in some ways than a “proper” job. I missed the social interaction that was so integral to the other jobs that I had worked at. And still, I felt as though I wasn’t yet “grown up.” It seemed to me that I was adrift in life, with no other purpose than to help this child grow up. Not that it’s not a big responsibility, but she was ready to spread her wings, and so was I.

Then chance came along and offered me the job I have now. You could say it was just another one of those things that I was swept along into, but with this one, I felt that it was tailor made for me. It had the hours I wanted (not too much, not too little), the flexiblility that I needed, and the pay that was too nice to say “no” to.

And suddenly, here I was, back in the Army job I liked without the things I didn’t like. And, to my surprise, I was being treated like a “grown up.” I began to feel like one to.

As I read this article (and as I’m getting more involved in my job and getting a real feel for it), I realized that this could be how I got the chance to do what I love. Maybe all of this drifting had a larger purpose and gave me a chance to see what was available out there.

I’m also realizing that I’m feeling more comfortable in my “grown up” skin. It’s not that I won’t ever revert back to that unsure young person I felt I was, but, I think I’m becoming happier with what I am now, and what I’m doing now. And I feel that’s one of the most important things in life.

After I posted my entry last night, I checked my e-mail from work. Earlier in the day, I had written an e-mail to the newspaper editor in Stuttgart telling her what stories I had for her and when I would be able to send them. Up until now, I figured this was a curtesy thing, since I had been told a few months ago that all the stories and ideas were to go through my boss (who really isn’t a writer or editor but has some idea how these things work). My boss knew about and we had discussed more than a few times, the stories I was doing for the coming edition, so I had figured she had talked to the guys in Stuttgart about it.

So it was with great surprise that I read a reply e-mail that said they would only be putting one story of mine in the newspaper since that was the one that went with their issue-wide theme.

I only have one thing to ask: Why didn’t they tell me this before?!!!

I have no problem with theme issues or giving them the Garmisch point of view in a story. But I was going out of my head trying to get the interviews I needed to have the story done by Monday or Tuesday and now I feel like a fool since I told all sorts of people that I needed to have it done by deadline which is now null and void. I don’t want people thinking that when I tell them I have a deadline, I can just stretch it out when I want to. This is the problem I was having with the bulletin since people were still sending me stuff on Thursday when it should have been already sent out.

I’m just frustrated, to say the least. I know that getting into the swing of things at any job is hard, but when the office is so new that no one knows how to do things or what your job really is, it’s just a bit difficult to adjust. And to think that I thought a 25hr a week job would be a piece of cake (of course, this week is turning out to be about 35hrs).

So, like I said in the title, I should have a good deal of free time next week. In fact, if I can do a few timeless stories, I should be able to keep ahead of the newspaper’s story requirements. And I should be able to work out or go skiing at least a few times next week.

But, I won’t be holding my breath. There’ll probably still be lots of comments and complaints flying around about the bulletin/newsletter and I’ll have to figure out how to placate the people that my boss can’t say “no” to. Oh well … life goes on.
…………………………………….

So, here’s A. with her “Talking Dolly and computer” that she was going to get for Christmas. They arrived in the mail on Thursday. So Thursday was Talking Dolly day, and since Talking Dolly day was supposed to be Christmas Day, Thursday was Christmas.

I actually have to say that A. has been incredibly patient about the whole thing. She knew that she was supposed to get the dolly for Christmas and when it didn’t come by Saturday we told her that it might becoming late. She was a little sad but she didn’t cry or throw a fit, she just waited. And I’m very proud of her for that.

She actually didn’t know she was getting the Leap Pad game but my husband had told her (unbeknownst to me) that she would be getting a computer. So she also expected a computer, also. When I found this out, I told her that the game was the computer and she was OK with that, too.

Personally, I think that she’s too young to have her own computer, but at the time, my husband had thought we would be getting a new computer for Christmas and she could have the old one (when she found out it was an old one, she was having none of that anyway, she wanted a new computer).

And it all worked out in the end because she has her new “computer,” which satisfies me because it’s a learning game computer, and she didn’t have a fit because she didn’t get it for Christmas. It’s all good.